morals

Lesson 1/6:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2/6:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3/6:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4/6:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5/6:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6/6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep sh*t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Share this with your friends who needs a laugh today

The discussion of two ghosts

The discussion of two ghosts...
1st ghost: Hey
2nd ghost: Hey
1st ghost: How did you die??
2nd ghost: I was mistakenly locked up in a refrigerator. At first, i was chilling, then, i started freezing, and then, i couldn't breathe again... i died of suffocation.
1st ghost: Wow.... what a sad way to die.
2nd ghost: Yeah. How did u die?
1st ghost: I died of heart attack.
2nd ghost: What happened?
1st ghost: My wife cheated on me. i came back home and saw a man's pair of shoes. then, i rushed to the bedroom and met only my wife there. i knew a man came and the man was stil in d house because my wife was undressed nd scared. so, i started running nd searching the whole house. i searched d kid's room, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, wadrobe and dinning. i was very tired of running, so i got a heart attack.
2nd ghost: IDIOT!!!! Why didnt u check the refrigerator??! The bastard was hiding in the refrigerator! Assuming u checked d refrigerator, by now, we both would've been alive!!

A sick person

A sick person on hospital bed was visited by relatives. The patient was on an oxygen MACHINE and therefore couldn't speak.
As they stood beside the bed, the patient took a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note which he gave to one of the relatives who put it in his shirt pocket without reading and they continued with their conversation.
After a few minutes, the patient died. The relative later picked the note from his pocket to know what the dead man had written. And guess what! Sadly the note read.. "please move away from there, you have stepped on the oxygen pipe. I can't breathe again , you are killing me".
Lesson:
Do you postpone reading posts, ? Or do you ignore picking calls because you are already close to the caller. They might be helpful to you or to somebody... particularly at a most critical time.
Please pick your calls, read that note. NEVER POSTPONE ANYTHING. Don't just read this message alone, kindly share with your friends.......

Tell her yourself

*"Tell Her Yourself"*
A lady went to a salon to dress her hair. While dressing her hair, she noticed a handsome man sitting quietly in the shop. Suddenly the lady turned to the man and said Mr., you are so handsome can we meet later today? Man replied 'I'm married'. The woman continued; "and so? You can just tell your wife you're going to visit a friend in the hospital and from there".........
and the man replied;
*"Tell her yourself, she's the one doing your hair".*
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
I can't stop Laughing
You shouldn't laugh alone
😄😂😅

This touched me

*This touched me.*

*There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.*

*She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.*

*She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'*

*One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.*

*He asked her,’ Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'*

*The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.*

*Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'*

*This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.*

*Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.*

*Life Is a Gift*

*Today before you say an unkind word -*

*Think of someone who can't speak.*

*Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.*

*Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to ALMIGHTY GOD for a companion.*

*Today before you complain about life -*

*Think of someone who died too young.*

*Before you complain about your children -*

*Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.*

*Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -*

*Think of the people who are living in the streets.*

*Before whining about the distance you drive*

*Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.*

*And when you are tired and complain about your job -*

*Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.*

*But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -*

*Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.*

*And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -*

*Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.*

*And before you think of closing your Whatsapp messenger, Please think of sending this to as many people as you like...It might change someone's thinking towards Life.*
*Remain blessed.*

*.....arise&SHINE.....*

At last he missed it

AT LAST HE MISSED IT
Please read, so it won't happen to you too.
It all happened on sunday morning; it rained the
previous night.
I slept late on Saturday night and thus, woke up
late. My church service starts by 8am but when I
opened my eyes, it was exactly 8:12 am.
I sprang up from my matress, removing my
blapresses quickly as I can and didn't even
bother to bathe. Brushing my teeth within ten
seconds, I wore my already pressed clothes and
ran off to church.
My roommate was still sleeping but I didn't think
he planned going to church at all. So without
saying goodbye or waking him up, I left the
room.
When I stepped out, I saw some young students
of the fellowship who meet in front of my hostel.
They were just setting up in preparation for their
service. I think they start theirs around 9am.
The way the weather was, with the clouds dark
and heavy, everywhere looked gloom and quiet
but in my hurry, I took no time to observe. or
relish the remarkable atmosphere.
As I walked and ran on the tarred narrow road,
just some distance from my hostel, I saw two
girls sitting on a pavement and crying. They were
dressed for church but with the way they sat and
clinged to each other, weeping, I doubt if they
would still go to church that day.
Though many passers-by like me walked and
paused to stare at them, they were clearly
unconcerned. They cried uncontrollably that even
their shouts of pain made my heart flutter.
I thought about going to them and trying to
console them but I was late for service myself.
My conscience tortured me a great deal but
when I glanced at my wristwatch, it was already
8:32 am.
'I am late. I have to go'. I told myself as I
continued on my path.
Well, after few minutes, I made it to church
eventually.
Except for a guy I saw who rested his head
against a wall by the road, I didn't notice any
other strange thing till I got to church.
But when I entered the church, it was another
sight I beheld.
The backdrop of the altar and the designs of the
pulpit and walls of the venue were already set up
but I didn't. see the Pastor.
In fact, I didn't see any of the church leaders.
The church was scanty.
Except for two ushers and three choristers I saw,
most of the workers I knew were not present.
There were some members present though. But
every single person in the building was looking
lost. The brother beside me was even shedding
tears without crying.
I too was getting afraid.
And then all of a sudden, a lady cried out just
behind me.
It was so sudden and the sound was so laced
with pain and fear that I was afraid the worst
had happened.
This is when I dropped my Bible on a chair and
had a deliberate look of the whole church.
In the left corner of the front which was
designated as choir stand, three sisters placed
their heads on the table in front of them; shaking
their heads and body in that manner some people
do when praying silenEvent
Just behind them was yet another sister who sat
on the bare floor, with one of her shoes nowhere
near her. Even her scarf was hung around her
neck.
I recognized the sister.
She led choruses in the evening service we had
the. previous Thursday.
But now, the sweet voice I heard turned to a
painful mutter of incomprehensible words. She
held on to the corner of a table with her two
hands, and wept as she said things I didn't
understand.
At this point, I knew this could only mean one
thing but I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't
just bring myself to believing it.
I couldn't.
I was still pondering on what all these mean
when an older man sitting two chairs before me
stood up suddenly and shouted with a voice
crackled, broken and almost lost.
'Lord God! Please have mercy!'
By now, my heart was heavy and I could not
explain a certain fear that clinged to my heart.
To remove all doubts, I approached one of our
ushers so I can ask for explanations. I almost
stopped in my stride as I became afraid of what
his answer might bid for me.
I walked to the rear of the church and stood in
front of him but he didn't even take notice.
His eyes were opened, he was looking at me but
with his empty and hopeless gaze at
nothingness, I realized he was looking through
me.
I called at him and touched the shoulder of his
right hand before he blinked and looked at my
face.
'Please Bro Paul what is happening today? Is the
service elsewhere?' I asked with a voice fearful
and low.
The usher dropped his eyes from looking at me
and shook his head.
New tears began to streak through the corner of
his eyes and his lips shook as he tried to hold
himself from complete breakdown.
He raised his head again and returned his eyes,
with tears, to me.
He started to speak but lost his voice again.
'My brother...' He finally managed to say.
He held his very wet handkerchief to his face as
he tried to stop the infinitely-flowing tears.
Then he heaved so deeply I thought I heard his
lungs relax.
'Bro Victor...' He started again amidst silent
sobs.
'...we are lost. The Rapture has happened. We
are doomed for life.'
Though I knew all along this would be the news,
hearing it with my ears broke my heart. I mean I
felt it in my heart. My heart sank, ached and
broke.
I staggered and almost lost balance as I moved
backwards, trying to hide from the weight of the
news; trying to escape from the impending doom
the usher pronounced.
But he wasn't done.
The usher released all the pent up tears of
anguish and pain he has bravely been holding
back and cried with all his might.
All I could make out from his voice was 'God,
Please. God, Please'.
He said it over and over again amidst sobs and
cries.
As if to really show he was really desperate, Bro
Paul threw himself on the ground and prostrated
full with his two hands clasped and his eyes
looking to the heavens.
He begged God again and again, asking for
mercy and pleading for another chance.
He cried and wept continously and when he
couldn't say anymore, he just lied there and
cried.
By now, I had managed to sit down on a bench
placed behind the church as I looked around in
unbelief.
I didn't shout or cry at first. I just sat there
looking around with tears already blocking my
visions. My nose became clogged with phlegm
and my throat was dry.
With tears flowing down my cheek, I raised my
hand to my mouth as I tried to hold myself from
weeping.
But it did no good.
I cried, cried and cried quietly, still with my hand
holding back my mouth from releasing. my voice
with the pain and regrets it held.
Many thoughts crossed my mind- the fire of hell,
the great tribulation, the suffering that awaits
and many others but only one stayed.
I realized I would be alone in the world now.
My mom would be gone. My dad would be gone.
All my sisters and brothers would be gone. While
only I remained just because I found pleasure in
sin.
The sudden loneliness this realization brought to
my heart crushed it forever.
I dropped my hands from my mouth and cried.
Oh! I cried like I never did.
I wept and called out to God to forgive me but
even I knew I was lost forever.
'Had I know! Had I know!' The thought tortured
me.
Liquids dropped from my nostrils and tears from
my eyes, a heavy ache hammered at my chest
as I cried again and asked to be forgiven of all
my sins but even then I knew there is no respite
for me.
In the blur of my vision, I saw the sister-choriste
r still kneeling and recognized her voice as she
sang that hymn of warning we always sang in
our church.
With her broken voice, sobs and tears between
the words of the song, she added more pain to
my already damned soul.
'...oh! what a weeping and wailing
As the lost were told of their fate
They cried for the rocks and the mountains
They prayed but their prayer was too late...' She
sang on and on.
The song had no melody this time, just sorrow.
I stopped my ears with my hands and refused to
hear more but the lyrics taunted me still.
I knew all my prayers were useless but I
anguished and cried to God more loudly.
It was in the middle of this other round of
hopeless tears and prayers that I laid my head on
the table and slept for sorrow.
When I woke up, I was on my bed, back in my
room.
My pillow and cover-cloth were soaked in my
own tears. Though I wasn't wearing any clothes,
I was covered in sweat.
I searched for my phone and glanced at the
clock.
It was 4.22am.
I had barely slept for three hours.
I realized It was all a dream but the relief that
filled my heart was swiftly replaced with a great
fear.
I stood up from my bed and looked around but
nothing seemed out of place.
I saw my roommate still sleeping with earphones
still plugged to his ears.
I looked outside and saw it was indeed darkest in
the dawn.
Having made sure I was still safe and not lost
yet, I knelt beside my bed, used my pillow to
cover my mouth and cried in desperate prayers.
I prayed to be saved before it is too late. I knelt
that way, weeping and asking God for mercy until
I slept off.
And indeed when I woke and looked at my time,
it was 8:12am and I was late for church...
.
.
.
This story was written to give warning to all who
woke up today with breath still in their nostrils
and words still in their mouth.
Seek God while He may be found. Call upon him
while he still listens. Make your ways right with
God before it is too late and you are lost forever.
The pain I tried to write into this fiction is
negligible when compared to the pain that awaits
all those who miss the rapture- or die without
salvation.
You have a chance today. Take it. Repent and be
save
Please share, copy and paste or forward, just
make sure everyone reads.
We will not miss it!
#Copied and Shared

Love your mother

At 3yrs we say  "mum i lov u"
At 14yrs we say  "mum whatever"
At 16yrs  we say "my mum is annoyin"
At 18yrs we say "i am leavin dis house"
At 21yrs we say "mum you were right"
At 30 yrs we say "i want 2 go 2 mum's house"
At 50 yrs we say "i dont wana lose my mum"
@70yrs we say "i wish  2 hav my mum here wit me".
If u luv ur mum forward it to other groups
I love my MuM dats y I'm sending ds to u.